I am not a leader, but…

I took the time to browse my RSS subscriptions which, of course, includes Paulo’s blog. Some may think, “Ah, this girl is an idealist.” I know. Even my doctor called me that when she saw me reading Brida instead of Twilight. LULz~

Paulo talked about the ‘warrior of light.’ His other term for ‘leader.’ I’m no leader. I don’t think I am fit to be one. Why? Because I lack the ability. Also, why would someone who’s often ignored be considered a leader? 😐 But the thing about warrior of light he wrote is something I can relate to.

Let me quote:

They are in the world, are part of other people’s lives, and began their journey without a rucksack and sandals. They are often cowards. They don’t always act right.

Warriors of light suffer over useless things, have some petty attitudes, and at times feel they are incapable of growing. They frequently believe they are unworthy of any blessing or miracle.

Warriors of light are not always sure what they are doing here. Often they stay up all night thinking that their lives have no meaning.

I’m a coward, almost all my decisions/actions are WRONG, unworthy of anything or anyone, and I don’t see what purpose I have in life. To attract hate or be lost in the sea of loneliness aren’t exactly what you can call purpose, right? But my life has been like that. I’m always misunderstood to the point I don’t understand myself. *facepalms* When happiness decides to be nice, I’m afraid to accept that blessing. Happiness is often temporary, but I know there’s permanent happiness — when you feel fulfillment and when you don’t want anything else anymore. Will I even experience that or am I undeserving? Ah, but I have yet to discover what is real happiness for me. Feelings can be confusing and scary.

Paulo Coelho then states:

That is what makes him a warrior of light; because he has been through all this and has not lost the hope of becoming better than he was.

I’m not the type who will get myself down because of what seems to be not-so-trivial matters. I believe that no better will happen if I let it be. Only when others ignore my efforts will I ever cease the will the live to try. To be understood. To be liked.

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