I currently find myself needing to deal with self-centered people. ‘Need’ because they are not nobodies in my life… Lke how they say they are all.the.time.
The unhealthy side of loving one’s self too much and putting themselves with utmost importance over everything or everyone else are what makes a self-centered or egotistic person. They can also be conversational narcissists based on personal encounters.
In this Huffington Post “How to Deal with a Self-Centered Person” by Michelle Roya Rad, self-centered people are characterized as such:
1. Arrogant people take too many measures to protect their self-image. Their universe is usually small, with statements that have too many “should” and “must.” They have idealist views, and a need to impose and make others believe that their universe is the better one. They will usually dislike you if you don’t buy into that.
2. They usually have a lot of friends, but just superficially. Their friendship is mostly about quantity not quality. They can be charming, but have an agenda. Their agenda is to find an ego feeder. They may have found ways to attract a lot of people into their world, but usually the ones who feed into their arrogance.
3. They feel incomplete. That is why they use other people to fill up the inner gap.
4. They are intolerant of differences. They devalue others and put them at a lesser position. They lack the ability to feel confidence internally, and instead find a sensation of superiority by seeing others as inferior. In addition, they can’t see different viewpoints. They usually have points of views that are fixated and most of the time not valid, since they are usually the type who only reads the cover of the magazine to look smart, and then is opinioned about it. They may also harshly criticize others who don’t buy into their views.
5. They are unable to have long lasting relationships. For them, people are either very good or very bad, depending on who admires them and who does not. In other words, if you fulfill their wishes, you’re good. They can be your lover one minute and a hater the next.
6. They can’t feel a true sense of empathy. It is hard for self-centered people to have a real sense of empathy. Even if they do, it is usually conditional, depending on what they are receiving from the source they are empathizing with.
7. They may have self-esteem holes. Self-esteem is how well developed your sense of self is. For the arrogant type, there are a lot of holes in this area that need to be filled.
8. They may look too confident. They are usually successful on the surface and things look good since they go the extra mile to make their persona look as flawless as possible. But when you go deep inside, the real feeling of inadequacy reveals itself.
9. They have failed attempts to self-heal. For an arrogant person, the problem is usually “you” or the “other.” Therefore, self-healing or therapy won’t be helpful to them.
10. “What is in it for me” gone too far. They usually maximize their contributions and minimize that of others. They expect too much for what they are willing to give. This is the type that thinks his government, society, people around him and the world owes it to him without him giving much in return. While any healthy functioning human does relative levels of cost benefit analysis in different situations, a self-centered person looks for vast benefits with minimum effort, and this is usually at the expense of others.
I could choose to ignore them, but I do not easily give up on friendship. I do my best to be more tolerant and still try to have an engaging conversation with them. For example, I discuss with them about similar hobbies. I would get detached and delayed responses like ‘ah’ or ‘oh.’ The other possible response would be they talk about themselves nonstop even if already irrelevant to the topic and they leave the conversation forgetting about me. When I disagree with them, I feel their anger towards me. There have been instances too that I always had to adjust for their oh-so-busy schedules as though I don’t have my own schedule to follow too.
At some point in my life, I admit, I became arrogant. I often told my former friends of my capabilities, accomplishments, etc. I wanted them to know my worth. My self-importance gets worse — Everything I wanted to do and did were absolute. I never made it easy for people who couldn’t keep up even if they have the most valid reason.
Looking back, my personality might have been because of the wrong crowd. They weren’t bad. I tried to fit with the crowd, but failed miserably because I didn’t last long with them. I became alone.
Other friends’ advise to me is to be more understanding because these self-important people might be depressed, lonely, or just going through something. Their coping mechanism is the need for constant validation or attention. But I am nearing my limit. I could confront them, but that’s actually useless for obvious reason. I already need to set boundaries because I get negative vibes lately and I’m positive they’re mostly the cause. As I still consider them my friends, I can only hope they realize their self-absorption. Maybe I should forward this to them. 😀
I’ve been reading up. But I would like to hear of firsthand experience and how such persons were dealth with. Kindly leave a comment below. 🙂