The more I give to you…
October 27, 2008 
1:22 AM
Tags: Feeling: nostalgic
You have to excuse the emo posts from time to time. Ranting and venting to my friends hasn’t been enough actually.
I have tons and tons of things to blog about, but I haven’t figured out where to start. So I have to properly plan that first including a bunch of other things. My days lately, although not really a mess, hasn’t really been productive.This, though, I have been wanting to talk about.
The more I give to you, the more I die.
It’s a line from one of my favorite songs. (Guess what song that is! *lol*)
This line has a strong impact to me after going through a fucking disastrous relationship. When Mac and I started going out, I wasn’t sure if I would love him but I liked him a lot. I told myself I should stop playing around and be serious again (because the person I liked before took me for granted, but that’s a different topic). Eventually, I learned the feeling of loving him. I gave my love in various ways. He became my priority; part of my life decisions. Even when I was sick, I was there for him. I did things that years ago I didn’t expect I would do like being PDA with him. I didn’t like the idea, but I didn’t care what others think — I just wanted to hug and kiss him to show even strangers how much I loved him. When there was something he needed, I did everything I can to give it to him. It didn’t matter if my parents or friends would get mad. It didn’t matter if I become sick, tired, or poor. What mattered to me most was his happiness. My heart would flutter when he shows his gratefulness and appreciation in his own way of loving. In short, I gave him everything without knowing that I was going to hurt myself in the end.
On the moment I felt lost, I asked, “Where should my love go? Who would love me?” Too much love has killed me.
But is love supposed to be that bad? Neri, a high school friend, blogged about when one is given an opportunity to love. She said that a person should cherish that feeling and give it all he’s got because he will never know if the love will last or not. What matters is the present. Not the past nor the future. It hurts a lot when a relationship ends in a snap, but we should believe that breakups happen FOR A REASON — that better things will come.
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