March 29, 2008

Daily: You think I’m fine. (2 Comments)

We want things to happen the way we want it, but that rarely happens. It would be if we give our all even if it comes to the point of making a fool of ourselves or even creating enemies. There will be sacrifices, they say, but should it be that way? If there are people to help, guide, strengthen, and be there for us, should we still have to suffer humiliation and regret?

Usually, the first people who are there for us are our family and friends. I have no problems with my family. I love them. Next is Mac who is not only my boyfriend, but is also my SOUL BUDDY.

We fight oftentimes, but that’s just our opinions clashing.

As for friends… I DON’T HAVE FRIENDS. *ROFLMAO* Online friends are a different matter though. I’m talking about rl friends.

I guess some of you may already know where I am getting at. If you’re confused, well, just try to understand. Haha~

Even with those important people in my heart, I still find myself LONELY. It’s one thing I hate to think about nor even talk about. But I can’t always run away from this feeling.

Back in HS, I had very dear classmates. I don’t believe I had a permanent circle of friends then. I just got to hang out with a lot of people. Some of them are happy-go-lucky, but surprisingly, they seem to be those who are good listeners or who give good advices. I know who make good friends — those who are with you from the start ’til the end — and who are just there when it is already too late for you.

My social life didn’t matter to me that time because I was happy. I was satisfied by the simple joy of being with them. There was always someone I could confide in. Not until college came that I felt I was only trying hard to make myself happy.

During first year, the girls in our class became my friends. Well, I thought they were. Either they got tired of me or I just couldn’t cope with them. They left me out of the group, but I tried hard to not to let it get to me. The boys in our class though were nice. I didn’t hang with them at first, but I started to after the not-so-happy times with the girls. It was cool though because we got along pretty well. We ate out, they even met my high school friends… They’re really cool. They still keep in touch with me even after we graduated.

Even though I came from an all-girls school, it’s so odd I was and still able to get along with guys. Aside from them college boys *lol*, there were some of my high school friends who I still keep in touch with. Before I go on, let me tell you about the six basic groups of non-romantic human relationships:

Unknown — people you don’t know. That’s pretty much obvious.

Acquaintance — you know their names and that’s all.
Colleague — people you go to work or school with. They’re like acquaintances.
Friend — you know them, share secrets with, or hang out with them…
Partner in Crime - people you frequently hang out with; probably those you find more important than just your friends.

Soul Buddy — you do everything with this person or persons. Similar to lovers.

Of course I kid!

(Source)

I used to have a PIC (Partner in Crime), but now they are always MIA. They have a bajillion reasons for not “being there” anymore. Work is one. Others, I dunno. But I know there are. People are good at that anyway. Not everyone has uber long patience for one’s excuses. Work — either in an office or a school work — is sometimes a good excuse. Note the word sometimes.

With my ex-PICs, I felt special. But in the end, after so much, I was the one running after them. My invitations were oftentimes ignored or refused. It sometimes crossed my mind that they will only talk to me when they need something or when they’re bored. They are only there AT THE LAST MINUTE after everything has been done. They are hardly or NEVER there during my best and bad times. It takes a lot of poking for them to notice me. It’s so hard to strengthen the bond of the relationship when they do not want to be involved. *sighs* I find myself not knowing what to do anymore, but just… FORGET ABOUT IT.

I don’t want to make a fool of myself anymore.
I’m tired of trying to be the friend.

People will take advantage of who they know are tough, since they know they’ll be able to move on.

Hopefully this is the last time I’m blogging about this matter.

To those who are going to LomoMarketManila later, see you.